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Cincinnati: A Great Way To See Kentucky By The Wise Guy For all the Pittsburgh Steelers fans heading to Cincinnati this weekend for the Steelers-Bengals playoff game, Pittsburgh Sports News is proud to offer as a public service Things to Do in Cincinnati When You Are Desperate. Or Drunk. Let’s take a look at the things that are said to be “uniquely” Cincinnati. Assuming you are there for the weekend, you might try BB Riverboats, a paddle wheeler not unlike our Gateway Clipper, for a ride up and down the Ohio River, again, not unlike our Gateway Clipper. Of course, BB Riverboats isn’t exactly in Cincinnati. It’s in Kentucky. If you’re a railroad enthusiast, hop on the Cincinnati Railway. Again, it’s not exactly in Cincinnati. It’s in Lebanon, Ohio. And if all that traveling around has worked up a thirst, The Hofbrauhaus is the place to be for some hearty home-brewed lager. But again, it’s not in Cincinnati per se. It’s in Newport, Kentucky, so remember to bring your passport. Perhaps you will be taking the family along. You’ll want to expose them to some of Cincinnati’s cultural highlights. For starters, there’s the famous Mercantile Museum. What’s that, you never heard of it? Never mind. It’s not open on the weekends. Or, if you’re a history buff, we recommend the Verdin Bell and Clock Museum, where Carson Palmer has had his bell rung. No, wait—it’s not open on weekends, either. Not to worry. There’s always the William Howard Taft National Historic Site, in honor of old WH Taft, Cincinnati’s first and only United States president. It’s open seven days a week from 8 am to 4 p.m. Although we’ve never actually been there, the brochure says the historic site contains a lifelike replica of Mr. Taft, who is on record as America’s fattest president. Did you know that at times during his presidency, WHT reached 300 pounds? It is said that he serves as an inspiration to the Bengals offensive linemen. Then there’s the American Sign Museum, where I assume someone will guess your sign for $5. It’s open by appointment only, so who really knows. And of course, being a sports fan, you’ll want to take in the Cincinnati Reds Hall of Fame and Museum. The Bengals don’t have a Hall of Fame. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that the last time they made the playoffs was 1990. Was Taft president back then? Cincinnati is full of famous landmarks, too. For example, there’s the Carew Tower, perhaps named for former Minnesota Twin Hall of Famer Rod Carew. Why, we don’t know. Or you can head back to Kentucky if your travel visa’s still good and take a gander at the World Peace Bell Center. Oops, that’s closed on weekends, too. But since you’re already in Kentucky, you just have to try Big Bone Lick State Park. At your own peril. Perhaps the most famous Cincinnati landmark of all is Paul Brown Stadium, home of the Bengals and named after Hall of Fame coach and legendary egomaniac Paul Brown. Buy a ticket from a scalper if you don’t already have one. They are readily available at most entrances. Then start vigorously waving your Terrible Towel around your head. We’ll find you. |