Smash-mouth or Lip Service?

By The Wise Guy
The next time someone calls the 2005 Pittsburgh Steelers a “smash-mouth” football team, you have my permission to smash them in the mouth. 

All we heard in the interminable pre-game hype before yesterday’s Monday Night Football game between the Steelers and the Indianapolis Colts was how the “smash-mouth” Steelers were going to test the manhood of the namby-pamby Colts. 

Well, as Public Enemy once said, don’t believe the hype.  No team in the NFL gets to be 10-0 (now 11-0, courtesy of your “smash-mouth” Steelers) with out being tough and hard-hitting. The Colts are decidedly smaller than Steelers on both sides of the ball, but it was our team that came out of this game with its mouth smashed. 

Case in point:  The Colts have a second-year safety named Bob Sanders, who is 5’ 8” tall and weighs 205 pounds.  This little big man delivered more big hits last night than our entire offensive line.  (But more on them later.)  In the first quarter, he tossed Steelers wide receiver Cedric Wilson to the ground like a rag doll after Wilson caught a short flanker screen pass.  Later, he practically broke Steelers running back Willie Parker in half on a third-down draw play deep in Steelers territory. One of the few things MNF color analyst John Madden got right was his description of Sanders’ play: “When he gets to the ball carrier, he looks angry.” 

Speaking of angry, a lot of us are feeling more than a bit miffed toward Steelers coach Bill Cowher for his team’s lackluster game plan and curious calls.  After our defense, given no respite by our pitiful offense played reasonably well in the first half, his devil-may-care call to start the second half with an onsides kick was pure folly.  First of all, onsides kicks have to be perfectly executed to work, which is why they almost never do.  Second, giving the Colts a short field to work with is like giving a bloody pork chop to a pit bull; I mean, what did we expect the outcome to be?  And how about calling a quarterback draw play on fourth an four in the fourth quarter, with over 11 minutes to play, when foolish optimists like me still believed we had a chance?  Of all the calls in all the playbooks in the all world, we had to call that one.  Earth to Coach: Your quarterback just had knee surgery. 

On the other hand, why not call a quarterback draw?  Nothing else worked all night.  Five times in the first half, our offense went three plays and out.  Did you know that coming into last night’s game, the Colts offense had just 15 three and outs all season? 

At the beginning of the season, I said we were going to miss Keydrick Vincent and Oliver Ross, two of last year’s starting offensive linemen that opted for free agency.  Relax, my fellow fans told me, no problem, we are going to replace them with Kendall Simmons and Mad Max Stark.  The result?  We can’t run the ball anymore.  Poor Willie Parker never had a chance.  The Colts defensive line was in our backfield most of the night faster than you can say Alan Faneca. Guard Kendall Simmons made more false starts than, well, tackle Trai Essex, but barely.